


even the stars know (how much i love you)

by huehchan



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, With a dash of yearning, idiots to lovers, this is very soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-12 07:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29506377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huehchan/pseuds/huehchan
Summary: Bora's love is loud and intense. Yet it's her soft heart that speaks louder - when she makes Minji's favourite soup at 3AM when she's sick, and shyly reassures her she'll never be alone.Minji's love is subtle and gentle. She isn't as physical as Bora but they're always doing something together, because she knows Minji's heart grows lonely easily. It should be suffocating, but Minji is never suffocating for Bora.(Or, of how Bora and Minji come to understand each other's love languages over the years.)
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Kim Minji | JiU
Comments: 13
Kudos: 169





	even the stars know (how much i love you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi friends!! back at it again with a very indulgent jibo idiots to lovers au bc I'm soft for them. I was working on a sidong and suyoo fic but then this jibo one came and hit like a ton of bricks and here we are now
> 
> (i don't know when I'll update precious, but I will one day, I'm still so shocked that people still read that fic ;u; )
> 
> im going to be swamped with school so this will be the last thing I'll have written for a while ;;
> 
> but anyways, as always, thank you for reading in advance, until next time, friends :"D

i.

At age seven, Bora meets Minji.

Bora's just abandoned digging the underground tunnel because it keeps caving in, so she's moved onto building her super mega awesome sandcastle.

The next moment, she hears a girl crying behind her. It's loud and it hurts her head, so she whips around, ready to screech words her mummy tells her she can never say-

Only to see a girl her age surrounded by two boys, teasing and laughing at her. A plastic shovel in one of their hands, waving above her as she tries to take it back from them.

Seven-year-old Bora, annoyed that her very important playtime is being disrupted because she's never allowed to be outside for this long, stomps her way over to the two stupid boys, and punches one of them in the face.

Boys are such wussies, she concludes, watching them squeal and run away. She picks up the dropped shovel, and hands it back to the other girl without another word, and goes back to building her very important sandcastle.

It surprises her that the girl quietly joins her, sitting down next to her on her knees in the sand.

"Thank you for helping me."

"It's okay," Bora tells her after she's finally done patting the sand. But the girl hasn't left yet. She's ruffling her hand in her padded jacket, and Bora turns to her, intrigued. The girl outstretches her palm out to her, revealing a small bar of chocolate in her hand.

"Please take it."

And then Bora sees her. She looks like those princesses in those movies she's watched. She's really cute. But past that, she also sees just how sad the girl is. There are tears in her eyes, and her lips are trembling.

(She wants to hug her, but she doesn’t no matter how badly she wants to, because mummy tells her never to hug strangers without their permission first.)

So instead, Bora takes the chocolate, not before breaking it in half and offering some back to her, hoping she'll not be sad anymore. The girl hesitantly takes it, opens it and together they both nibble on it. Their eyes meet, and Bora sees that the girl still looks sad.

She doesn't like it. She doesn't like anyone being sad, but for some reason, this girl being sad makes her super angry.

So she gulps down her chocolate, and after a pause, fakes a fart noise out of her lips with her hands.

Bora likes being funny, she likes making her family laugh, even if it makes her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment afterwards.

But she'll do it again and again, especially if it's to see the way this girl's face lights up with joy, her laughter bursting out from her chest, tears no more.

"You're funny," the girl hiccups out to her, and Bora beams. She already knows that, but hearing it come from her makes it seem different.

"I like your sandcastle. Can I help you?" asks the girl.

She doesn't wait for Bora's answer though, already enthusiastically inspecting the underground sand tunnel across from her, the one Bora was having a hard time with before.

"Oh. I think we need water so the tunnel is strong. I'll be back, okay?"

The girl pats her head, before she waddles off, Bora watching her backside as she stumbles into the sand, then back on her feet, running to the nearby water tap with her plastic bucket. She returns, dips her hands in the bucket, and begins patting the tunnel into place, a bright smile on her face.

"There! All better!"

And that's kind of all it takes for Bora to conclude that she likes this girl.

Everyone her age fights over chocolate but no one has ever shared with her before, not like this girl. And all the other kids love stomping on her sandcastle because they find it funny but this girl is different - she helped her, and no one ever helps her.

She doesn't even deserve to be sad again, because she's too nice and Bora decides right there and then that she'll make sure to protect her laugh. Kind of like how in the books the knight protects the princess.

"I'm Bora," she blurts out and completes her thoughts. "I'm seven. Do you wanna be friends?"

The girl's excited gasp and toothy smile is one that engrains Bora's memory for life.

"My name is Minji, I'm seven too!"

(Even back then, Bora had no idea how meeting Minji would've knocked her off her course of life.)

ii.

Contrary to popular belief, Bora doesn’t have many friends.

It looks like she has a lot of friends, but it's only because she's always gravitating from group to group. It's her first day of being in sixth grade, but at her year level and being almost twelve, she knows almost all of the school by now.

She knows her same-aged classmates she hangs out with during class so she isn't alone during class activities.

Then there's the group of boys she hangs out with occasionally during PE sessions, mostly so she can establish her dominance.

Then there are the small first and second graders who she sometimes visits at the playground during lunchtime, because they're younger siblings of her older friends who have graduated to middle school, and she feels compelled to make sure they're doing okay because she remembers how scary it was when she first started primary school.

Some of them can be considered her friends, of course.

But then there are her friends.

The ones where Bora can be herself with, as loudly, brashly and annoyingly as she wants, because she knows they won't treat her any differently.

There's Siyeon, her scary-looking but funny friend who just recently transferred into her year level.

(They became friends immediately when Bora found out that Siyeon only moved because she got expelled for punching a mean boy in the face. Bora likes punching mean boys too.)

Then there's Handong, Yoohyeon and Yubin from the fifth year that Bora somehow adopted one day at the library during lunch because they're absolute losers, but they're her losers and if anyone picks on them, Bora is always there in a heartbeat.

And then there's Gahyeon, from the fourth year, who although is younger than all of them, is the smartest, being some kind of genius math wizard or something.

(Bora always goes to her for math homework help, and it should be the other way around, being older, but Gahyeon reassures her it's a breeze, and that it helps her exercise her brain to plan for future world domination. Whatever that means, anyway.)

But then there's Minji.

Minji is…different. She's always been different from the rest, perhaps because she's been there from the start.

If there's anyone in the world she can cry in front of (and she despises crying in front of others) it wouldn't be her parents, not even in front of her circle - it would be Minji.

And although Bora does gravitate throughout the day, group to group, person to person, she always returns to Minji at the end of the day.

It's always been that way. Her waiting for Minji outside their classroom building so they can walk home together, and it's like she can finally peel her mask away. With Minji, she never has to fake her laughter - it only takes one word from Minji and Bora's already doubled over with laughter.

Nor does she have to prove anything as she does with the boys, because it's Minji, and Minji always tells Bora she's enough as she is. Her loudness. Her bluntness. Her anger. Her quietness. Her humour. Her softness. Minji always tells her she likes every single part of her.

Bora thinks the same for Minji, too.

"We're not in the same class again," is the first thing Minji tells her when they've begun walking at the end of the day.

Her gaze is trained to the ground, and Bora immediately recognises that look.

"I thought for at least one year we'd get to be in the same class together."

Bora nudges her. "It was probably for the best. Imagine how much more annoying we'd be for our teachers if we sat next to each other every day."

Minji smiles, only for a moment. "You would be the annoying one."

That's not true. Minji can be just as annoying as Bora when she likes to be, but Bora doesn't dare say that out loud. "True."

But the sad look on Minji's face doesn't disappear. Her face scrunches up as if she's deliberating on what she's about to say next. "It's just…sad. I have my classmates, but -- but I don't know. It's still lonely."

Oh. Minji never told her this before.

"Hey," Bora's voice comes out softer this time, bumping her shoulder against her. "I feel the same way."

Minji looks at her, and she steps away from a little, giving her a funny look. "At least you have Siyeon now, your new best friend. I don't have anyone in my classroom this year."

"Huh?" Bora stops walking, and reluctantly, Minji stops walking too, a distant look in her eyes. She frowns, crossing her arms. Since when did Minji start believing that?

"Minji," she begins softly, and Minji looks at her, and Bora nibbles on her lower lip. Since when did she have to start tilting her chin up to look up at her? Minji has outgrown her, and the fact only hits Bora now.

A shot of fear pangs her chest. She doesn't want Minji to leave her.

"Siyeon...is funny and nice, but Siyeon is Siyeon, and Minji is Minji. You're all different, but you're all my best friends. But Minji…" she goes on her tippy toes and gently knocks Minji's forehead with her knuckle. "You're my best friend, and I love it when we get to spend time together like this. And nothing will ever change that, okay?"

Finally, Minji looks into her eyes. Her hard expression softens. "Really?"

Bora smiles, and takes Minji's hand (ah, even her hand has gotten bigger too) into her own, and squeezes it. "Really."

Because after all, it'll always be Minji that Bora returns to at the end of the day. Because even though her circle of friends are comforting, like her family - Minji is different.

Minji is like the forest they visit after school, vast, expansive, beautiful. Always climbing the trees, jumping from waterfalls and playing in the lake together on summer afternoons. Minji grounds her, but she's also the one that lifts Bora the most.

Because it's Minji that encourages Bora to be brave. To jump off the scary waterfall, to climb up the trees --

Minji is so much more than just the simple best friend label, Bora realises. Maybe she's like family, but not even family feels right. Minji is more than family.

It's confusing.

Because it's always Minji's eyes that Bora seeks out when they're with their circle, when Bora makes a joke - she hopes that out of everyone, Minji is the one laughing the most.

It's always Minji that Bora sneaks away with during recess, tucked into their little corner behind the abandoned school shed that no one is allowed to go in. It's always Minji that Bora lets play and braid her hair, even if her hands grow sweaty at the thought of Minji being near her lately. It's confusing, but the thought of Minji isn't scary.

Soft, warm, kind and gentle Minji.

Perhaps there is no word in her limited dictionary knowledge to describe who Minji is to her, but Bora thinks she likes it better that way.

She's never been too fond of labels anyway.

-

When sixth-grade graduation comes, all seven of them make a teary pinky promise at the outdoor reception garden that they’ll continue to be best friends - even if Siyeon, Minji and Bora are first to leave them and go into middle school together. They promise to wait for the other four.

When they go back to the reception hall, they begin to take turns dancing with each other. Bora saves her final dance with Minji for the last two songs. The first being a far much more upbeat song that gets them giggling and laughing as they stumble in their (not very tall) heels with the other five.

But the last song is more quiet, slow. It gets Bora laying her cheek on Minji’s chest, closing her eyes as they sway together to the music.

“My feet hurt.”

Minji’s chest vibrates with sweet laughter. “Already?”

Bora hums. Minji’s arms wrap around her, enveloping her into a warm hug that gets Bora’s stomach tingly.

“Hey, let’s ask our parents if we can go get burgers together after this. Maybe the other girls can come too. I’m so hungry, aren’t you?”

That makes Bora burst into laughter because of course, all Minji would think about right now is her stomach, even after inhaling all of the entrees and dinner dishes from before.

Typical, soft, sweet Minji.

She never wants her to change.

“I hope we stay as best friends for a long time,” Bora blurts out.

She feels the tears she’s held back all night spring up. She’s never actually said it out loud before. Not even when they were pinky promising before in the garden. Bora told herself she wouldn’t crack and would stay strong for the girls. Just like how Handong, Yubin and Yoohyeon were for crybaby Gahyeon and Siyeon.

“Me too,” Minji says, and Bora feels her smile into the crown of her hair. “But we will because we promised. And we never break promises.”

Minji’s soft words are all it takes for Bora to finally cry into her chest.

(It doesn’t take long for her to be suffocated in a group hug with the other girls, but it feels nice to be surrounded and hugged. Yoohyeon and Gahyeon are even so bold to ruffle her hair and tease her, but Bora lets it pass just this once.

She’ll miss the kids a lot. She’ll miss _this_ , a lot too.)

iii.

In year seven, many of Bora's firsts happen.

Her first proper locker, first proper assignment, getting her first D result on the science test and feeling shocked because she thought she had studied but turned out it wasn't enough, and it crushes her more than she realises.

Starting middle school is a whole other level of new and daunting. Still the same faces but there are also many new ones now. She doesn't know everyone anymore. She has to start all over again.

The one first good that comes out of this, is finally getting to be in the same homeroom as Minji.

With Siyeon there are no bouts of nervousness or sweaty hands, but for some reason - simply locking eyes with Minji makes her throat go dry now. She doesn't understand it.

Maybe something is wrong with her - maybe she needs to go to a doctor soon.

She tells all of this to Siyeon secretly while they're in cooking class, especially because Minji is sick so she's not here today.

"Hm. The only doctor you need to visit is the love doctor, Bora."

To which she recoils immediately, throwing some pasta sauce at Siyeon for extra measure. The L word is just so cringy to her, and if Siyeon is implying what Bora thinks she's implying - then she's super wrong. Both her and Minji are girls, and Bora knows girls liking girls are a real thing and exist, but she’s pretty sure Minji doesn't like girls in that way.

(Or at least, if she did, she would've told her because they always tell each other everything. Minji knows Bora wouldn't judge her.

At least, Bora hopes Minji knows.)

"She would've told me if she liked girls, Singnie. But I'm pretty sure she likes boys, like all the other girls our age," Bora tells her, and tries to ignore the dull ache in her chest.

"Well, if we go by that logic," Siyeon begins and flicks some pasta sauce back on her. "Did Minji ever tell you she likes boys?"

Oh, that's obvious, of course --

Wait.

Minji never told her that either. Minji has never told her if she's had a crush on anyone. Or perhaps, because Bora never bothered to ask. The idea of Minji liking a boy…like-like a boy, brings the same feeling as failing her science test, but only much worse.

"Bora? Hello?"

"Ah, whatever!'' She pushes Siyeon's face away and goes back to chopping the carrots, a little extra louder than before. "It's none of my business."

"If you say so."

The topic never gets brought up again for the rest of the day. Bora wants to make sure it stays that way forever.

(Even if she is curious - she doesn't want to know. Bora convinces herself that if Minji had a crush, she would've told her by now because they always tell each other everything.

…Right?)

-

Finally being able to go to a proper camp is exciting.

It's the other first of being in year seven that she's been looking forward to the most. Getting away from school, going into the mountains for three days, doing boring activities with a dash of religion subtext being shoved down their throats.

The true camp experience.

But probably what she was looking forward to the most was finally being able to share her cabin room with Minji and Siyeon. She's never been on a sleepover, so this is probably the closest she'll get to it.

"I dibs at the top bunk!"

"Hey! You better not snore at night, Lee Siyeon!"

Their cabin room is the smallest in the hall, meant to be for four people with two bunk beds, but it's only the three. Siyeon immediately claims one of the top bunk beds, flopping onto it. Bora immediately claims the other top bunk across, flopping onto it, only to realise -

"Looks like I'll be the only one at the bottom, huh?"

Ah.

Bora peeks down to see Minji, looking up at Siyeon, a small smile on her face.

"Sleep on my bottom side Minji, I bet Bora snores."

"Hey!" Bora throws her pillow at Siyeon, who squeals in retaliation.

"I don't mind," Minji says, eyes crinkling as she laughs.

Bora almost thinks nothing of her answer, until she remembers what Minji shared with her when they were in sixth grade.

_"I hope when we go camping, I get a chance to sleep on the top bunk for once. I only sleep on the bottom because my brother gets scared. But he doesn't know that I'm just as scared of being crushed at the bottom too. Sometimes I can't even sleep at night. It's…stupid I know, but -- it'd be nice to have the chance once, you know?"_

Oh.

How could she forget?

Immediately, Bora grabs her bag and climbs down the ladder and begins setting up her sleeping bag on the bottom bunk, on Siyeon's side.

"Oh, changed your mind, have you?" Siyeon's obnoxious voice rings out, and Bora sticks the middle finger up to her wordlessly.

"Bora?"

She feels Minji's warm hand on her shoulder, and Bora turns around. Her brows are furrowed like she's genuinely confused. Bora places her thumb on the worried creases between her brows and smooths them away gently.

Bora hopes Minji understands her answer without having to say it out loud.

"I did change my mind," she says. "Because I don't want to see Siyeon's gross snoring face while I'm sleeping."

"Hey!"

She snorts out a loud laugh, and Minji joins in too, as Siyeon sputters out her retaliations.

Bora turns around, going back to setting up her sleeping bag, but she doesn't miss the way Minji mouths out a quiet "thank you," brushing her hand against her wrist. Nor does she miss the soft, sincere look in her eyes.

(It makes her stomach do that funny thing again, where it tingles and grows fuzzy.)

-

Bora isn't one to get homesick.

The whole reason she was so excited to come here was that she'd finally get a chance to leave home for a little bit, leave school. Leave it all behind. But even the faint scent in her pillow from home isn't enough to cure whatever she's feeling inside. She misses her family. She misses sleeping in her bed.

She thought the camp experience would give her a glimpse of what it’s like to live away from home, like how the adults do.

But being away is scary. She doesn't like this feeling.

It's probably past midnight, and her body is exhausted from rock climbing today. Siyeon's (very loud) snoring doesn't make it any better, and she wishes so badly that she had brought her headphones to drown it all out.

How can Minji stay asleep through this?

She unzips her sleeping bag, lets her bare feet touch the cool carpet. She blinks at the darkness staring back at her. Her only source of light is the faint moonlight coming through the curtain of their window.

Bora gets up from her bed, navigates her way through the sprawled out suitcases, and finds herself climbing up Minji's side of the bunk bed.

She stops at the edge of the ladder and hesitates. She doesn't want to disturb Minji who was just as tired as she is.

She's about to make her way back down the ladder, until--

"Bora? Is that you?"

Bora's throat hitches. "You're awake?"

Minji hums, low and drawn out. She sounds so sleepy. She sluggishly sits up, and Bora thinks she must be looking in her direction.

"You okay? Need to go toilet? Are you sick?"

With each word, Minji sounds like she's getting more awake, and Bora feels so guilty for stirring her awake just because she couldn't sleep.

"I'm okay. I…I just can't sleep."

She thinks she sees Minji blink at her in the dark.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Do you want to sleep with me?"

It isn't what Bora was expecting Minji to ask, but she's also secretly relieved Minji asked it first.

"If it’s okay with you."

"I don't mind it if it's you."

Bora's heart stutters at that, and she slowly makes her way into Minji's side. She lays down, facing her, their knees touching a little. It's cramped, but Minji's pillow smells so nice. Just like her.

"Better?"

"Better."

There's a pause, and Bora thinks Minji has fallen asleep again. Until Minji shifts herself a little, and Bora thinks she sees her eyes open, looking at her through the dark.

"Thank you, for remembering," Minji says, softly.

"It's okay," Bora replies, cheeks warm. She doesn't have the best memory, but if it's Minji,

"I'll always remember anything you tell me."

Minji doesn't say anything back, and Bora thinks she's finally fallen asleep, the sound of soft breathing accompanying her a few seconds after.

So Bora closes her weary eyes, inhales Minji's comforting scent, and finally falls asleep.

-

When Bora wakes up, she finds herself somehow wrapped in Minji's arms.

The sound of birds chirping is faint, along with the soft breathing from both sleeping Siyeon and Minji. Their room is enveloped with the soft morning glow of the sun streaming through their window curtain.

She doesn't want to wake them all just yet.

So she watches Minji sleeping. Her eyes trace the curve of her nose, her edge of her eyebrows, her long lashes, her lips -- and oh, did Minji always have a tiny fleck of a dot on her upper lip?

It's cute, she thinks. Minji is cute.

She thinks back to her conversation with Siyeon yesterday while they went to the bathroom. The topic of crushes had come up between them, and Bora listened as Siyeon rambled.

_They make your heart beat fast. They're cute. They're the person you focus on, even if everyone's staring at you, you're only looking at them because it's only them that seems to matter the most. You want to kiss them, but you're too afraid to but that's okay. Because you like them not only for their looks, but because of everything else. Their humor. Their laugh. The way they make you feel._

It’s so funny. She hadn't thought of it before, but seeing Minji like this, reminds her of Siyeon's words from yesterday. Because somehow, all of it seems to fit exactly how she feels towards Minji and--

Oh. Wait.

Oh.

(It's at age thirteen when Bora realises she might have a crush on Minji, and she isn't sure what to do with this information.

She can't just tell Minji. What if she finds it weird and hates her because of it? What if they stop being friends and she loses her forever?

Bora swears to herself on the final day of camp she won't ever tell Minji about these feelings.

Maybe this is just a weird phase. It’ll probably go away soon, she's sure of it.)

iv.

Well, the feelings never do go away.

No matter how much she tries to bury it, her feelings only resurface and grow worse over the years, and at age sixteen, Bora can't stop thinking about how it would feel to kiss Minji on the lips.

Siyeon tells her all about what it feels like, after kissing a girl she met last week at their sister school.

It honestly didn't surprise Bora when Siyeon revealed that she liked girls. Nor does it surprise her when Siyeon reveals it’s Yoohyeon she's always had a crush on.

Bora knew since primary school, and now that Yoohyeon and the other three are attending middle school with them, Siyeon is practically all over her again every lunch.

(It's nice though, reuniting with everyone and spending lunchtime with them again. She had missed the three nerds and their very loud and endearingly whiny Gahyeon. Their little family has finally reunited again, and their presence helps distract Bora's rather impulsive feelings towards Minji.)

_"Boy’s lips are all cracked and rough, but the girl’s lips are really soft and sweet. You should try kissing both some time, Bora. Maybe it will help you realise what you really want.”_

Lately, Siyeon’s been on a self-discovery kick and Bora’s been a witness to everything.

Siyeon talks about wanting piercings and tattoos, and she’s recently discovered the art of flirting with guys and girls.

But Bora gets it. She knows this is Siyeon’s way of coping with her feelings for Yoohyeon because she’s afraid of being rejected. Bora assures her to just confess because she sees the way Yoohyeon looks at Siyeon, but Siyeon is too much of a coward to believe her.

“You shouldn’t be the one telling me. Not when you’re the same with Minji.”

Well, they’re both cowards when it comes to feelings.

So Bora takes Siyeon’s advice. She’s seen the way guys in her class look at her, she isn’t dense. But Bora’s always been so into forming her dance club that she doesn’t spare a moment to think about how she feels towards dating guys or girls.

Her mind occupies many things, but her best friends, dancing and Minji are always equal. Everything else is second after that.

Siyeon invites her to a rooftop party thrown by one of the senior guys because it’s their birthday or something, and Bora takes this as an opportunity to attend, even if that means turning down Minji’s invitation for her to sleepover at her house the same night because for once her parents aren’t home.

The party is lame and boring. Siyeon abandons her for a while, leaving her to be by herself in the corner, and Bora thinks she should’ve just taken Minji’s offer to sleepover at her house for the night.

Being with Minji is far better than anything.

But then a guy approaches her, and Bora thinks maybe this is her chance. The guy is tall, just a little taller than Minji. He’s attractive too, like really attractive. Where Minji has soft eyes, his eyes are sharp and dark. Minji has a soft voice, but his voice is deep and rich.

They hit it off immediately, and after maybe an hour of light flirting and conversation, Bora thinks that maybe this is it. Maybe she does like guys as much as she likes girls.

“Did you know this is my birthday party?” The guys asks, smiling and leaning in a little. She sees the way his eyes flick to her lips, before up to her eyes and Bora knows, even from the way he wets his bottom lip with his tongue.

And then Bora realises that she never got his name, and she never does ask because she doesn’t care.

Because suddenly her lips are on his, pushing him into the dark wall where no one can see them, and he’s kissing her back. The kiss is messy and wet, and yeah, Siyeon is right. Guy’s lips are cracked and rough, but they’re warm at least.

But it’s...underwhelming, and she pulls away fast. There weren't any fireworks that erupted on contact like she’s read about in the books, no weak knees, her stomach going fuzzy and warm -- nothing.

Perhaps the worst part is that while she was kissing him, all she could think about was Minji, and how wrong it felt that it was some random guy and not Minji she was kissing.

God. She doesn’t want to be here anymore. She wants to be with Minji. That’s all she wants right now.

So Bora politely thanks the guy, wishes him a happy birthday and bids him goodbye, all while discreetly wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

She finds Siyeon in the crowd playing ping pong with a couple of her classmates, and Bora tells her she’s going home.

“But you’re not really going home, are you?” Siyeon asks her, a knowing look in her eyes.

“You know where I’ll be. Tell my parents too,” Bora tells her, and Siyeon huffs a laugh and smiles, proud and soft and a lot like the Siyeon she knew when they were younger.

Siyeon waves her off, and tells her she will and that she’ll be fine making her way home with the others. Bora finally leaves the rooftop, back down on the streets, alone.

And then Bora begins to run. Down the streets, on the familiar path her feet know by heart. Her heart pounds in her ears and her chest sears, as she soon finds herself in front of Minji’s doorstep. She knocks on the door, gulping for air with each knock, and after a minute, the door cracks open, Minji’s eye peering through.

“Bora?”

God. She only saw her a few hours ago, but she’s so glad to hear her voice again.

"Hi.”

The door fully opens, Minji’s look of disbelief and confusion clear on her face.

“Why are you here? I thought you were going to attend the party, and--did you run here?”

“I changed my mind. Party was super lame,” she replies, and despite the burn in her lungs, she manages to crack a grin. “Can I still sleepover?”

Minji moves so Bora can come inside. “Yes--of course, but do your parents know you’re here?”

Bora excuses herself inside, waving her hand dismissively. Minji, always worrying about trivial things. “Siyeon will tell them. Besides, they’ll have better peace of mind knowing I’m with you instead of being at a party with random people.”

She tilts her head up to Minji and beams a smile. Minji’s expression softens. She shakes her head and laughs.

“You’re insane.”

 _Only for you,_ Bora thinks, as Minji leads her inside by the hand.

(There are many chances for Bora to kiss her. When they’re in the kitchen attempting to make themselves dinner while trying not to get the house burned down. When they’re watching a rom-com movie in the living room huddled together in the blankets, or when Bora's lying in Minji’s bed a few hours later, facing her as they talk until three in the morning about everything and anything.

In the end, Bora never kisses her, but it’s okay. Because after today she realises it’s always been Minji. She could probably kiss a hundred guys and girls and experiment all she wants, but none of them would ever come close to how Minji makes her feel. Never.)

v.

Bora has always been fond of the idea of family.

Perhaps it’s because her real parents are always away, and her older brother moved out a long time ago so she’s always been alone since a child, stuck with her dysfunctional parents.

The only real friends she’s ever had is Minji and the other five. So in a way, she’s developed a way to cope with her loneliness by adopting a family persona on her friends.

(But Bora has always considered them her real family anyways, over her actual blood related family.)

From primary school, she had assigned roles to each of them; Siyeon, the eldest protective sister. Handong, the graceful and probably will be very rich aunt one day. Yoohyeon and Yubin, the book worm neighbours that always come over, and their smartest prodigy child and youngest, Gahyeon. Her family she’s somehow adopted over the years.

In a way, Bora has always considered them her kids, being the second oldest out of everyone.

“But if we’re your kids, then who is Minji? She’s the oldest out of all of us.” Yoohyeon asks one day after the conversation comes up, while they’re all sitting on their favorite bench during lunchtime.

Minji, who is sitting next to her, stops chewing on her omelette, and so does Bora.

“Wouldn’t she be our mother? And Bora would be the father, of course,” Siyeon replies with a snicker, earning a light smack from Yubin and backlash from Handong and Yoohyeon.

“Stop that heteronormativity jargon. There can be two mothers.”

Siyeon pouts, and hits Yubin back. “I know that! I was only joking Binnie,” but her words fall on deaf ears, the group bickering about who would be who again.

“Wouldn’t that mean you and Minji would be married?” Gahyeon asks suddenly, eyes lighting up, and the whole group stops bickering and falls silent, facing both her and Minji.

She’s never thought about it. Or rather, she has, but stops herself because the idea of marrying Minji and loving her in that way, imagining a life where they are forever each others makes her heart ache with what-ifs she’s sure she’s too young to dream about.

“Minji? Thoughts on being married to this gremlin of a girl?” Siyeon asks, and Bora bites her tongue to say anything snarky because hearing Minji’s reply is far much more important.

“I...I think Bora would be louder than normal,” Minji begins slowly, and she sounds far more different than usual.

“I think she’d annoy me out of love, but she does that all the time anyways. She’d cook for me and take care of me, but she does all of that now too.” She turns to Bora, a soft smile on her face that gets Bora’s chest aching. “I wouldn’t mind being married to her. I know she’d be a wonderful wife to me. Anyone would be lucky to be loved by her.”

Bora almost dies in her seat, as the group erupts in squeals and hollers. But Minji’s eyes don’t leave hers, and Bora has to force herself to look away from her gaze.

(Minji’s words keep her up every night, her gaze never leaving her memory. No one looks at their best friend the way Minji did. Minji has never looked at her so strongly and heart achingly vulnerable all at once before --

Like she was searching her eyes for an answer, but also as if she wanted to pull her in and kiss her all at once.

It haunts her for a long time, but in a way in which she feels like she’s in heaven, and she entertains the idea more often that maybe -- just maybe, Minji does love her like she does.)

vi.

While they’re still sixteen, Bora and Minji get into an argument, and it’s over something incredibly stupid.

All because Siyeon texts Bora that she forgot to tell her that she saw Minji staying back after school yesterday, with a guy in their homeroom.

And Bora doesn’t jump to conclusions. She prides herself in taking her time to think rationally, even if it’s only for a few solid seconds, but here she doesn’t even think, she immediately thinks of the worst case scenario.

It doesn’t help that Siyeon follows up with a text saying it looked like it was a love confession.

But the thing is -- Minji would’ve told her by now if she got confessed to, because she’s here now with Minji in the library after school.

They’re supposed to be studying for the upcoming exams but Bora’s taking a mini break on her phone, and that’s how she saw the text from Siyeon just now. All while Minji’s nose is buried in her textbooks next to her.

Peaceful Minji who has no idea how much Bora is dying on the inside.

“I need to leave. Need to go home,” Bora blurts out, and Minji looks at her, confused.

“Oh, already?”

“I forgot my mom wanted me home early,” she lies, and the hot guilt churns in her stomach. She’s never lied to Minji before. She shifts herself off her chair. “I’ll go on ahead, see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Wait, I’ll walk home with you,” Minji replies in a beat, packing her books and pens in her bag. Bora watches her helplessly. Who is she to refuse her?

They leave the school library, and make their way out of the school gate. They’re quiet until Minji begins to rummage in her bag, Bora watching as Minji pulls out her banana milk drink. Of course she's hungry now.

It almost makes her laugh, if it weren't for the feeling that if she does she’ll puke any second.

_Looks like it was a love confession._

She tried to push away the thought of Minji liking a boy for the longest time, and sometimes she forgets, but other times she doesn't, and it creeps up on her in the middle of the night, and it ruins her more than she thought it would.

Stupid Siyeon, planting this into her head.

Might as well rip the bandaid off to save the heartache.

"Hey, do you have a crush on anyone?"

It really shouldn't make her heart squeeze at the way Minji stumbles a little, choking on her banana milk drink. Cheeks immediately dusting with pink.

"What? Why the random question?"

She sees the way the tip of Minji's ears turn red, and Bora looks away from her flustered state. She curls her hands into fists. Minji does like someone.

"I'm just curious."

"I…" There's a pause, and Minji inhales deeply and Bora recognises this Minji almost immediately. Flustered Minji who doesn’t know what to say, but she can never lie, so she always tells the truth. "...I do."

She's prepared herself for every possible answer, but she didn't realise her stomach would plunge quite the way it did just now.

"Is he in our class?" Bora asks. Minji blinks and sputters a little. She frowns. "He's in another class?"

When Minji's face only grows redder, Bora nearly faints. "My god, Minji, is he older than you? Is he a senior or something?"

"What? No!" Minji squeaks out. "Listen -- why are even asking this all of a sudden?"

How does Minji still not get it?

"Oh, I don't know -- maybe because you've never bothered to tell me his name? Or that I always have to ask first to know anything from you? I can’t always be your mind reader all the time, you know.”

“...What?”

“You heard me.”

And then something passes through Minji’s face. Confusion, or a rare flick of anger maybe, but it’s gone before Bora can second guess.

"Where is this coming from?”

Bora doesn’t know, and she regrets everything that’s just flown out of her mouth.

Her thoughts are running everywhere, all she does know is that her heart is aching again and it’s always because of Minji and she hates this so much. And now she's trying to keep back the tears that are threatening to spill because Minji’s never looked at her like this before - like she’s disappointed in her.

“Then who is your crush?”

Now it’s her turn to get flustered. “What?”

“You’ve never told me either, and I never asked because I respect your privacy. I’ve been waiting until you were ready to tell me, but clearly even my patience isn’t enough that you’re going around assuming everything now. And since you want to do this now, I’d love more than anything to know who _yours_ is.”

Bora winces at her rough-edged voice. Minji sounds nothing like herself - yet she sounds the most real she’s ever been in a long time. Bringing her to this point only makes the heavy block of pain lodged in her chest ache more.

“I…”

She could tell her, right now. Rip off the bandaid and say _it’s you. God, it’s always been you, you tall, beautiful idiot. Please stop being mad at me and just let me kiss you. Please._

But she can’t. She’s scared. If she tells her everything right now, she’d finally jump over the scary cliff.

(The only question is -- would she sink to the bottom and drown, or would she rise up to the surface? Only Minji’s answer matters, and she’s not sure if she’ll ever be ready to take that leap of faith.)

“I...can’t tell you.”

“Oh.” Minji scoffs. “So should I start playing mind reader now like you apparently do? It’s only fair, isn't it?”

Bora winces again.

God. It wasn’t supposed to go like this.

“No...no you don’t,” she softly pleads. “You don’t have to do any of that.”

Minji doesn’t say anything to that, only staring at her silently. Her eyes bore into her own, as if she’s searching for something. Then she blinks, and looks away.

“Forget it.” Minji runs a hand through her hair, dropping it to her side and tilting her chin at the sky. She bites her lip, sighs, voice coming out resigned as she looks at her again. "This is so stupid. Why are we arguing over this?"

 _I don’t know._ It grounds Bora back to reality, and her lip trembles. _Because I'm an impulsive idiot and I really don’t deserve you._ "I’m so sorry."

Minji’s harsh gaze softens at that, and slowly, she looks more like herself again. She steps closer, and Bora flinches when Minji’s arms raise, but they’re soon wrapped around her body, Minji’s nose buried in her neck.

Minji is shaking more than she is.

“I’m sorry, too. I don’t like fighting with you.”

Bora closes her eyes, and swallows down her hot tears. She doesn’t like fighting with Minji too, but at least they always make it out on the other side.

Minji has never raised her voice at her, because Minji knows that despite Bora’s brashness, she hurts easily.

Bora hated admitting it outloud, but ever since she’s told Minji when they were children that after witnessing fights with her parents constantly, the last thing she wants is to ever turn out like them - and Minji swore that they never will be like their parents.

Always angry. Always fighting. Always yelling.

But now that Minji’s hugging her, whatever pain she’s feeling soothes away because Minji doesn’t ever initiate hugs first.

Because Minji doesn’t like physical contact as much as Bora, but here she is. Because Bora’s told her in the past she’d want nothing more than a hug from her afterwards if they ever fight, and it makes her heart clench because Minji remembered.

“Let’s go home now?”

“Yeah.” She only hugs onto Minji tighter, exhaling shakily. “Let’s do that.”

(And Minji does take her home, and they’re soon back to normal, joking and play-fighting like nothing ever happened.

Bora knows that that was probably the worst they’ll ever get in a long time, and if they can move past that - they can get through anything else.)

vii.

Bora always has a lot of thoughts running through her mind.

It’s exhausting. Draining. Every night it’s hard to sleep because she can’t ever stop thinking, not even for a second. She thinks of the past, present and future constantly. Sometimes they blur, and it’s too much that all she can is lay in her bed, stare up at the darkness, and let the thoughts consume her.

Sometimes she listens to music to make it stop, sometimes she watches a movie, but mostly she calls Minji.

She always picks up, and depending on the time of night, Minji always asks the same question.

“Can’t sleep?”

To which Bora says yes, and Minji stays on the line with her and distracts her by telling her all the things she’s done today or what she’s doing now. The sound of Minji’s voice is enough to calm the storm in her heart - enough to silence the thoughts in her head.

Bora never calls her past midnight because then she’s becoming too greedy for her time. She knows Minji always falls asleep at that time, and she finds herself doing an alternative method.

But on a particular night, the thoughts are almost unbearable and nothing else seems to help. At two am, Bora finds herself ringing Minji as a desperate last resort, and she doesn’t expect her to answer, but she does, and Bora is left stunned to hear the sound of her voice.

_“Bboya?”_

Her voice is sleepy and endearingly soft, and Bora’s heart clenches at the nickname. Minji hasn’t called her that since they were children.

_“You can’t sleep again?”_

Bora almost considers hanging up, because god -- how has Minji not gotten tired of her selfish ass even after all these years?

She buries her chin under her blanket. “Yeah.”

 _“I wish I could talk to you, but I’m so sleepy…_ ” Minji trails off, and it sounds like she’s shuffling around a bit over the line. Then Minji’s voice sounds close, like she’s sleeping right next to her. “ _But you can talk...I’m here, so...just stay on the line with me, okay?”_

Minji sounds like when she was younger, like when she’d take being the oldest out of the two of them seriously.

Bora does stay on the line. She tells Minji everything that’s going on in her head. What keeps her up at night, what she’s afraid of in the future. She says it all, even if she only gets soft hums at first, until she gets nothing as a response. Only the sound of Minji’s quiet breathing on the other end, signalling she’s fallen asleep again.

Bora even goes as far as to say outloud how much she’s scared of her feelings for her, and how she’s scared because she’ll never know if Minji loves her back.

“I don’t deserve you, but I still love you anyways,” is the last thing she whispers out, eyes fluttering down as sleep finally lulls her. “I swear I’ll be loving you forever, if you would let me.”

(She thinks it’s her sleep deprivation talking, but after a pause, she thinks she hears Minji quietly reply, _“I would.”_ )

viii.

Sport carnivals have always been Bora's thing.

She's always been competitive. She's always striving to win. In athletics or in swimming, she always takes a few medals home for the day, carrying her house team's legacy on her shoulders.

But it isn't just the winning that motivates her. It's being miraculously assigned in the same colour house as Minji and the girls. Because sport carnivals give her the opportunity to spend more time with them, and Bora doesn't take for granted all the memories she's made over the years.

As a senior now, this year will be her last athletics carnival, and she makes sure to leave her mark.

She dominates every single activity, with the support of Minji and her team cheering her on. Ribbons accumulate and pin onto her shorts and her polo shirt, and by the early afternoon, she's beyond exhausted.

But there's still the final 4x100 baton relay left, the one everyone's been waiting for the whole carnival. Everyone is betting on Bora, their house captain - to grab them the trophy.

And Bora is no coward. She lives to win and please, but even this is too much pressure for her.

It may only be just a mere trophy at the end of the day, but there's so much at stake, because she's the captain and she's been dreaming of lifting her house off their losing streak, because they've always lost to their rival house every year - The Blue House.

"Thought I'd find you here."

Of course, Minji would find her here hiding in the bathroom, washing her face. She looks up, acknowledging her, then goes back to splashing her face with water from the tap. It's still not cold enough.

"Are you ready for the relay?"

"No," she replies, honest. She inhales shakily. "My legs feel like jelly and I'm going to collapse any second now from heatstroke."

"You don't have to force yourself."

She knows, but, "I want to. God, I've wanted this for so long, Minji."

She looks up at her. Minji smiles down at her, like she already knows. "Me too."

Bora dries her face and her hands, and chuckles. She offers her palm to her, and a wave of nostalgia hits her. "Ready to do this one last time?"

Minji takes her palm, and Bora sees it in her eyes. Minji may be soft and gentle, but if there's anything she's learnt from these sport carnivals, Minji is just as competitive as her, she's just a lot more quiet about it.

Silent but deadly, Minji is. If Bora is the light of the team, then Minji is her shadow. A hurricane of darkness that only Bora can tame, the glow of victory shining in her palms after Minji's wake of destruction.

Where Bora is reckless and impulsive, Minji is calculated and sharp. Both of them are opposites, and yet they are the same.

"Of course. It's always us against everyone in the end, right?"

Minji wraps her arm around her shoulder, and Bora grins. For a mere sport carnival, Minji can be so dramatic sometimes.

(But then again, Minji is her house co-captain, after all. They're both guilty of being dramatic.)

They leave the bathroom, and there's only a few minutes until the relay begins. Bora isn't nervous anymore - because Minji is here, and all she needs is her by her side.

They line up at their spots, Bora being last in the four number line up, Minji behind her, being second last.

Her reliable shadow.

Then she sees her girls in the distance by the benches -- her small family of five she's so incredibly fond of, cheering on for them.

"Those are my mothers!" She thinks she hears Gahyeon scream, and despite waiting for the whistle to blow, Bora forgets the pounding in her chest and smiles.

"Get into your positions now, athletes!"

_It's always us against everyone in the end, right?_

_Always._ Bora closes her eyes, and the whistle finally blows after an eternity. Blood rushes to her ears.

Relay races always go by fast, but for some reason this one feels so slow. She can hear each and every thud of shoes against the oval, the squeak of soles as they turn around the bend, the sound of a metallic baton dropping. Bora forces herself to watch to make sure it's not their team who have dropped it.

They're falling last by the time it gets to the second bend, but Bora knows this is how the game changes. Because the moment Minji grabs the baton as their third, in the blink of an eye, she's made strides and left everyone else catching her dust.

_“Bora!”_

Bora doesn't underestimate her opponents, and when Minji, her reliable shadow, passes the baton to her, Bora runs like she's never ran before.

The trophy is only a few meters away, but she can hear them catching up behind her, and she's so tempted to look behind but she doesn't. She only runs, and runs --

Runs until her body carries victory, taking the red ribbon around her chest, and the erupted screams of the entire school are one that she's sure will stay with her forever. She’s tackled to the floor by her team, and she can faintly hear the girls screaming her name.

"You did it, Bora!"

"I can't believe it!”

But Bora's not looking at any of them. She drowns out the screams and the cheers because all she sees is Minji, watching her from the other side of the track, an exhausted but proud smile on her face.

She could run over, throw herself in her arms, and kiss her. Right this very moment.

But she doesn't, because suddenly Minji is running to her, arms outstretched and Bora thinks, _Oh. Is this when she'll finally kiss me?_

But they don’t, because Minji is crying and instead, Bora comforts her by grabbing her cheeks and bumping her forehead against hers. Minji closes her eyes, and crushes her into a hug.

"You did it, Bora," Minji whispers into her ear, but Bora respectfully disagrees.

"No, _we_ did it.”

She looks up at her, carding her fingers through Minji’s soft hair, looking into her teary eyes when she tells her softly, “I'm so proud of you, Minji,"

Because it’s always been the two of them in the end, and upon hearing it, Minji begins to shake and cry into her chest. Bora looks up to see the face of every person in her team surrounding her, and she begins crying as well.

They all did it.

-

“Senior House captain Bora, finally lifting the house’s four year losing streak and giving us a trophy. You should be proud of yourself!”

Bora’s waiting for Minji to finish in the school bathroom so they can walk home together, but a group of her classmates steal her attention in the distance in the hallway.

Still riding off her victory adrenaline, she approaches them, flashing a grin as she lifts up the medal around her neck, utterly shameless, as they erupt in cheers again.

One of her classmates wraps an arm around Bora’s shoulder, and another ruffles her hair, and Bora’s gravitates with them inside one of the empty classrooms. She entertains their questions, boasts about how she’s only had two hours of sleep but she managed that, and their excitement only makes her feel like on cloud nine.

“You should attend our party tonight! I know you’re wild. You would be the light of the party!” One of them tells her, elbowing her in the ribs, and Bora, in all her adrenaline haze, knows she would be.

She’s just about to say yes, until her eyes catch a blur of dark hair outside the window.

She looks out, and she sees Minji below - already walking out of the school gate.

And then her smile dies, because when did Minji decide to leave without her? She didn’t even tell her she was going to leave.

“Actually, I…” she looks at her classmates, then helplessly out the window again. Minji only gets farther and farther away, and it hits her then. It’s not the same if Minji is there with her.

Because it’s always been the two of them against everyone else, after all.

“I’m sorry, I’ll uh--” she’s already grabbing her bag, and she’s rounded on her feet, throwing them an apologetic look over her shoulder, “Thanks but, maybe next time.”

They groan and pout, and Bora smiles and waves them goodbye, and then she takes off down the hallway.

She runs past her teachers who tell her that even if you won today, you still shouldn’t be running in the halls, Kim Bora! but she doesn’t care. Her feet are sore and her bones are exhausted, but she still runs - runs faster than she ever did before, even faster than how she ran in the relay today.

Down the stairs, out of the school gates, down the streets, chasing after Minji. Stupid Minji who left without her and thought Bora would’ve been fine with it.

(She’s not. She never will be.)

Her lungs are burning, but Minji is in her sight - yet she's still so far away down the street and Bora doesn’t know if she has it left in her to run anymore.

So she cups her hands around her mouth, and sucks in a huge breath, and screams like her life depends on it.

“Minji!”

Her voice rings down the empty street, but she still hasn’t turned around, and Bora’s eyes grow heavy as she watches her walk away.

She thinks she should begin running again, until Minji stops and suddenly whips her body around. And with her remaining energy, Bora’s feet take her to Minji, stopping right in front of her, collecting her harsh breaths with hands on her knees.

“Bora?! You ran here again?”

“You...idiot…” Bora gasps out, and looks up to her. “Of course. We were supposed to be going home together...weren’t we?”

Minji’s eyes widen. “But the party…your classmates...”

Ah. Minji still doesn’t get it. Even after all these years.

“Don’t you know by now…” she gasps again, and despite feeling like she's going to die any second, she grins, “...by now, I’ll always want to be with you instead of being at some dumb party?”

Minji stares at her, and Bora almost blurts out, how do you not realise that it’s you? That it’ll always be you?

And it hits Bora. She’s come this far, she may as well just finally tell her. What else has she got to lose? Besides her eleven year friendship with Minji?

Oh. Well if she puts it like that--

“Bora, I…”

Minji has this look in her eyes, the same one she gave her during that one lunchtime, and Bora’s heart clenches, whatever Minji’s about to say, Bora doesn't want to hear it. Not yet.

“No--no, wait, can I say something before I change my mind forever?”

Minji nods, eyebrows furrowed.

“Do you remember when I told you I had a crush on someone last year, but I couldn’t tell you?”

Minji nods again, she looks so confused, and Bora hopes finally telling her will smooth out the worried creases in her forehead. “Can I tell you now?”

A beat, and then,

“Can I tell you mine as well?”

Oh. She hadn’t expected it to turn like this.

Her heart sinks, and the solid resolve to confess crumples and withers away. “You go first.”

Minji takes her cue, and looks down. “I’ve had the same crush for so long. For years.”

Years.

“But they don’t know. I thought I made it so obvious, I’ve dropped them so many hints, but they haven’t gotten it. Even after all these years.”

“Wow.” Bora forces out a laugh. It really wasn’t supposed to turn out like this. “This person must be an idiot to not have realised sooner. How could anyone not realise you like them?”

“I don’t know.” Minji hums. “They’re a really big idiot, after all.”

Why would Minji pick an oblivious idiot to be her crush? Bora will make sure to make their life a living hell if she ever gets her hands on them. “Can I know their name at least?”

Another beat, and then --

“Bora.”

She nearly chokes out a laugh. Minji is staring at her again, and Bora looks away.

“Sorry. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

Minji steps closer.

“No--Bora. I mean it’s _you_.”

Nothing could have prepared her for that response. Her eyes widen, and she looks up at Minji, managing nothing but a weak, “what?”

And then Minji smiles. A soft one. “You’re the stupid idiot I’m in love with. It’s always been you.”

Her heart pounds in her ears. “You’re...in love with me?”

“Yes,” Minji says, and it looks like fear shoots through her eyes when Bora can’t comprehend even a word back.

“Bora? You feel the same...don’t you?

And then Minji looks like she’s about to panic when Bora still hasn't replied. “Oh, you don’t? Oh, no, no, no. Have I gotten it all wrong? Now I feel like an idiot--”

She blinks the shock away.

“N-no! Me too!” she blurts out, and grabs Minji’s hand into her own. “I’m in love with you too, but saying it outloud, it’s...”

“Scary?” Minji quietly finishes. Bora nods. Minji squeezes her hand. “I feel the same way. You have no idea how hard my heart is beating right now.”

To that, Bora smiles, interlacing their fingers together. “I bet mine is beating faster.”

“Really? Do you want to start this now?”

“Not really.” she replies, and nibbles her bottom lip. “I...just want to kiss you. Can I?”

But the moment she question leaves her tongue, lips meet hers, and she flutters her eyes closed, because god -- it feels so right to finally have Minji’s lips onto hers.

It isn't like fireworks, but it's sweet and soft and warm and it melts away the heartache she's been feeling under her ribs for all these years. It's everything she's imagined, and yet, only so much more.

When they pull away, Minji rests her forehead against hers, and Bora sighs, content.

"I've been wanting to do that for so long," Minji whispers, and Bora smiles. She has no idea how badly she wanted to do the same, too.

"Does that make you my girlfriend? Or do we have to court each other?"

Bora raises a brow at Minji's sudden question. But Minji looks genuinely shy and confused and it's endearing, and Bora has to kiss her breathless again.

"We can court and be girlfriends at the same time?" Bora asks against her lips, and Minji hums.

"That works too."

Bora grins, kissing her again, until she suddenly pulls away because she remembers something that's been nagging her forever.

“Wait. Can I tell you something I’ve always wanted to say to you? It’s only fitting to say this, especially after this milestone.”

Minji moves back, giving her a funny look, but her gaze is so warm. “You have my full attention.”

So Bora clears her throat, looks into Minji’s eyes, and begins telling her the words she’s been rehearsing since they were little.

“There can be a hundred people in the room, and ninety nine don’t believe in you--”

Minji’s face immediately lights up in recognition, and then it screws into embarrassment, and then she hides her face in her neck, groaning. “Oh my god, Bora, don’t--”

“Let me finish!” She hits her butt, and clears her throat again, “but there's always one that believes in you.”

Minji looks at her, and she grins. “And to me, that one person has always been you, Kim Minji.”

Minji sighs and shakes her head, but she’s still smiling and looks like she’s still grossly in love with her, and that’s all that matters to Bora.

“Of all the things you could quote to me after we finally have our first kiss--”

She rolls her eyes, and hits her butt again.

“Please, I know you loved it.”

“Stop talking.”

Bora sighs dramatically, and shrugs. “Okay, fine. But also, consider this: There can be one hundred people in a--”

Minji groans and lips meet hers, effectively silencing her, and Bora only smiles into her lips happily.

(It’s probably going to be like this all the time, she’s sure.)

ix.

A lot of firsts happen between Bora and Minji after that day.

Being each other’s first girlfriend, having their first couple fight, having their first sleepover as a couple, first making out in the school bathroom and trying not to get caught, but still nearly getting caught anyways.

Handong had told them before that they’d be the couple to never keep their hands off each other if they ever dated, and unfortunately enough, she was right.

But Bora can’t help herself. She always needs to be near Minji, holding her hand, hugging her, playing with her hand, pressing herself against her whenever they kiss. Minji’s not as fond of physical contact as she is, but Bora knows Minji secretly likes to be needed just as much as she does.

And being in love is scary and new. Navigating through everything is new and exciting but sometimes heart aching because there’ll always be small disagreements. But it’ll be okay, she knows. They always make it out on the other side, because they’re a team.

But then there’s the scary firsts.

Graduating high school together, leaving their friends again with the promise they’ll stay in touch, going into college together, deciding to live on campus as they pursue their dreams course together.

It’s just like how they’d dreamed when they were children, on the rooftop, under the stars.

“Let’s move into an apartment together by the time we’re twenty. Maybe we can adopt a dog, but oh, you’re scared of dogs. Maybe just a cat or fish will do then. And if we’re still lonely by forty, let’s marry each other, okay Bboya?”

Bora ponders how her past self would feel, seeing where she is now in the present. Would she be proud of her? Would she punch her in stomach for being stupid and taking so long? Would she be shocked to learn that she’s thinking of marrying Minji fifteen years earlier than their promised age?

Well, it doesn’t really matter, because it's at age twenty seven that Bora proposes to Minji in the way that she had told her she’d like to be, that same very night they made their promise under the stars.

(It involves her friend's help, because Bora has no idea how to fit an engagement ring in a burger patty, and not make Minji accidentally choke if she somehow ends up swallowing it.)

But Yubin and Handong are more than happy to help, telling her it would be an honor to have Bora propose at their own restaurant.

And it works out in the end, Minji doesn't end up choking, and of course, after bursting into tears, she says yes to her in a heartbeat.

(Years later, her friends always tease her at how insane it was that Bora actually went along with Minji's bizarre wish of a proposal. But Minji always tells her that it was one of the best events in her life, the first always being meeting Bora.)

Two years after, it's the night before their wedding, and Bora ponders to the stars once more.

She's always compared herself to the universe. Her own existence seems so little compared to the vast universe - to all of the galaxies, the sizes of the moons and suns in the solar system.

Everything is so grand, and she is so small. So insignificant.

She doesn't understand how she's made it this far. She thought she would've been dead by now, somehow. Because at age twelve she didn't think she'd stay alive by eighteen. And when she did reach that age, it changed to twenty two.

Because there was always that small irrational fear that one day her existence would just perish, and she'd suddenly disappear off the earth. Not having accomplished anything.

And there was always the question, does anything matter?

Her past self would have said no -- but now-- now she says yes.

Because her life only began the moment she realised she only had one, and if she were to disappear off the earth right now, she'd feel a whole lot better knowing she did something, rather than nothing.

But these thoughts, questioning everything, her existence -- they're rare now. She doesn't even spare a moment about her irrational fears anymore.

Because Minji is here, and she's always made it a little easier to live. She's always made each day more bearable. She's always breathed life into her existence, making her little insignificant life more purposeful.

Her purpose being that if one of the things she can do before she disappears is to be able to love Minji everyday like it's her last - to make her happy, to make her laugh until she cries -

That is more than enough for Bora to live another day.

(And Bora vows this to Minji on the altar on the day of the wedding. She vows to love Minji. To be by her side, even when they grow crazy of each other, when they grow wrinkly and old, and when one of them passes on before the other, Bora vows that she'll continue to love her, even after she takes her last breath.)

Bora doesn't believe in God, but she does believe in an afterlife. She believes that when their bodies finally touch the earth, their souls will leave, touching the sky again, and they'll be reborn.

She believes that if she's ever to be reborn again, she'll find Minji, and she'll love her all over again just like she did in her previous lives.

Because as long as they exist and have each other, an expiration date doesn’t exist.

Bora knows this much for a fact, just as how much she knows she'll always be in love with Minji.

The love of her life.

x.

To Minji, Bora has always been untouchable.

When they first met on the playground at age seven, and Bora punched a boy for her because she was sad that her shovel got stolen.

Bora was like the light that entered into Minji's life, setting everything into flames from that day onwards. Arriving like her knight in shining armour, but Bora knew when to step back.

She knew that Minji was much of a knight to herself as she was to her, and perhaps that's one of the few reasons Minji fell in love.

Because although Bora can be too loud, too reckless, too impulsive, too shameless - her heart is soft and tender, and she knows her boundaries. She knows when the bothering gets too much. Bora always knows when Minji gets sad, angry, or upset. Bora has always known too much about her.

It was always them against everyone else.

But then it wasn't just Bora and Minji anymore. Soon it was Minji and Bora, and then Everyone Else.

But it made sense. Who wouldn't be drawn to Bora? Who wouldn't want to be friends with her? Someone who dazzles everyone, to the point of endearment?

Bora was untouchable in the sense that she was a free spirited flame, always going from person to person, slipping further away from Minji.

And Minji would catch herself feeling jealous of even her own friends having Bora's attention over hers.

Looking back now, it all seemed like such a fickle thing. Because none of it mattered, Bora would always come back to her at the end of the day.

And when she thought Bora was straying away completely, she'd come back, stronger and more valiant, surprising her again and again.

Telling her things like she'd ran across town from a party just to spend time with her instead - to running after her when she could've stayed with her classmates and gone to a party instead.

Bora was always doing these grand acts that hurt her heart and made her stomach do flips, because she would always choose her.

Bora was her best friend, but she was always so much more than that. Of course Minji would fall in love with her a little more everyday until it became almost unbearable.

But now - now that they're married, Bora has become even more unbearable. Because Bora's love is so loud and intense. When she touches her skin, it's like warm sparks set Minji's soul on fire with every touch. When her lips are on hers, all over her body, each like a molten prayer, Minji can only close her eyes, and listen to how much she loves her.

Because Bora has always communicated through touch more than her words, but these days, it's changed and molded, and Bora's tender heart speaks far louder.

When she makes Minji's favourite soup at 3 AM when she's sick, and she reassures her she'll never be alone. When she decides to sit down next to her when they're watching TV, or when they're doing absolutely nothing but being in each other's company, it's more than enough for Minji.

Because Minji's heart gets lonely easily, and Bora knows her well enough to ease her loneliness by simple being there.

By staying up with her at three am when she decides to sporadically dye her hair, and eventually Bora decides to dye her own too, and they're doing it together, laughing at each other in the mirror side by side.

When Bora sees Minji is having a bad day, she decides to pull her up from their bed and they dance in the living room together.

Bora does so much for her, and Minji always makes sure to reciprocate.

She doesn't like physical contact as much as Bora, but she always makes sure to kiss her three times a day, to always hug her a little longer than the previous day, especially after they have an argument. Because she made a vow that they'll never end up like Bora's parents.

She knows they never will.

Because Minji loves Bora so much that even the mere thought of hurting her makes her want to punish herself, because despite her tough exterior, Bora hurts easily when she doesn't have attention. So Minji always makes sure to remind her much she loves her everyday, even if it's leaving little notes around the house.

Her love is subtle, while Bora's is loud.

Everyone's always compared Minji to the sun, but she thinks Bora is the sun. Her flames that burn beneath her skin, permanent but they don't hurt her.

If Bora is the sun, then Minji is her moon. Her shadow that watches over her, everlastingly connected.

Minji doesn't believe in forever, but she does believe in loving everyday like it's her last. It's in her vows for Bora, it's in every single action she does for her.

Minji thinks there could never be a word in their language to describe what it is they hold and represent for each other.

But if there could be one closest, it would be that they are soulmates -- soulmates who would find each other, even when they part from death and are reborn.

Because as long as they have each other, an expiration date will never exist.

Even when their souls will touch the sky again.


End file.
